dont worry i'm fine

its getting a little difficult to breathe today, i dont know why. after beating in some abnormally fast rate, my heart started to ache a little. after few hours, the suffocation is back with my heart aching again and i have to stretch myself to get a really deep breath to make sure i am breathing in some air into my lungs. man, what a freakening thing. i understand i may not be very young now but after all i'm not that old for a worn out heart. really hope it is just some normal thing and does not mean anything. ya, that should be it, i'm fine. very fine.

here he comes...

since weekend i've been waiting and in another 11+ hours, here he comes and here i go.....

***** fingers crossed *****

***** pray hard *****

***** all the best to me *****

been so long...

two days ago was the release of STPM result. wow, so many years back since i've taken mine. during my time, i didn't fancy that moment. who would when the results came out to be a disappointment. thank god, its over now and i've recover from that yucky feelings. but not long from now, i will soon be hit with another disappointment. aah!!!! please, dont let that to happen. i rather it that kinda of news where it turns out to be good news when i've prepared for the worst. that feeling is great. just like the one felt by tim urban and alex lambert during their elimination rounds. they thought they would be bidding goodbyes but how fortunate its not their time yet. but if they still fail to prove themselves next week, well most probably the banana is stolen before it gets ripen. anyhow, personally i hope jermaine seller gets eliminated as soon as possible. i dislike him the most, he somehow irritates me a lot.

oh!

with my milo ice beside me in a hot midnight although the rain just poured, i am sitting facing my laptop again to blog about pai ti kong.

before i laid my fingers on the keyboard, i took a sip of my i-believe-very-yummilicious-milo that i just made specially for myself.

with very high expectation of my skill in making milo ice, my tiny sepet eyes grew bigger as the drink was swallowed and the taste was detected by my taste buds on my tongue and interpreted by my brain.

holy s***!!!!!


SALTY??!!!


WHAT???!!!!


it turned out salty????


i was in real shock. apa ni? quickly i refreshed and gosh, that crytal looking solids i poured which i thought was sugar suddenly became clear to my brain it was salt. adeh! my yummilicious milo became salty milo ice. *sigh


i begin with my first sip and now i seal it with last gulp of my salty milo ice. it tasted not bad but let it remained as the first and last.




pai ti kong will be posted other day. i'm kinda still in a shock.

i dont know what is this

to xx,



if only i have the courage to tell you how much i miss you, i would be email this to you instead of blogging here. but come to think of it, its not that i do not have the courage cause courage is not what it takes. for me, i dont find it a problem to say it out what i feel but the point is why would i wanna let you know when i know letting you know will not make a difference. and how do i know i know that? cause i told you so before and i know too that its not me that you want to hear it from.. therefore, from then on, i choose to keep everything concerns bout you in my heart instead of bullshitting to you. this is why this is not found in your inbox but my blog.

cny

when cny comes, it is all about red, gathering, food, angpaus, poker cards, mahjong, visiting and cny songs. if its not merry, loud and full of laughters, it is not cny. and what makes all these to happen??? gambling! yes, gambling is something you must do dur cny. it is like a package where it includes visiting, gathering, poker cards/ mahjong and angpaus. so fun, so exciting and so risky as you may not know you will lose all your angpaus money or add up to it.


i still remember how i spent my cny gambling almost every year. from 10 cents, 20 cents bet to 50 cents, 1 ringgit note and slowly increase and increase to 2, 3, 5 and now to 10 and 20. it was real crazy how the notes look like waste paper when it comes to gambling.


yesterday was the peak of cny this year for now. initially it was a visiting to my uncles's house before heading home but it turned out to be a gambling day. i was a little reluctant since i've won after gambling from day1 of cny till day5. its smtg uncommon cause i was known of donating almost every year. but c'mon it cny! besides, usually in cny my family will played dank (i dont know the exact term but it sounds that way. thats what we called it. its a card game something similar to baccarat) this year even though every night is gambling night, from black jack to mahjong and rummy but we had not play dank yet. so, i took my seat and settled down with my initial small bet.


now thinking back, no wonder i was winning cause i was playing other games. dank is the game i played and lost almost every year. its too late to realise, as i played, i wasnt aware how much i actually lost until i refused to take out another 50 ringgit note. unlike mahjong and rummy besides luck, you need skill. but for dank, its like black jack, more to luck than skill. and the winning losing activity was way faster than those skilled games which was why i wasnt noticing i actually lost up to three figures. i was like 'wah, wa su a ni ceh lui liao'.


what to do...so i took a late lunch break while the rest still busy betting.


after a break from my refusal of taking another 50 note, i was back to play since it supposed to be the last 3 rounds. but banker's pile of 50 notes getting higher and higher, making his win up to four figures. the atmosphere was getting tenser and hotter. almost all the players were losing with me at the bottom of the top loser list. so our going home early plan was postponed and the gambling session continued.


but my weird superstitious funny aunt disallowed me to play. according to her, the additional players caused her to lose so she asked me to bet on her bet. so, i was like okay since she convinced me that her spot was very 'ong'. after 2 rounds, my 50 note gone, left only red notes. i was like, 'tua ee ah, lu u pian wa bo. ko kong lu eh ui ong. wa eh lui si ka ceng hu cuik tui lai eh.'


with not much hope, standing and watching them playing, suddenly there's a twist of luck. it was a right choice to make a comeback. every rounds, i would grab two red notes from her and the best thing was it was continuousssssss. oh my, it felt so GOOD!!!!!!


not too long, the money i lost was back to me. in fact i was now winning a little. AWESOME!!!!!! thanks to my aunt. it wouldnt be that fast and easy if i was the one playing.


around half an hour, the banker called it off after no longer bear distributing most of his winning notes. and so we kuai kuai got ourselves ready to continue our journey back home. all well ends well =)

happy chinese new year people!!!!!

*happy birthday bro and belated birthday to sp and ej!

no more ROS

friday 29th - my last day of ros [hooray!]

ya, so its my last day of ros and its also the day i did team teaching biology with my partner. after this, my practical will be officially start next week. unfortunately, biology teachers are more than enough in the school so no choice but to teach science.

back to team teaching... how terrible, it was such a rush. everything's so last minute. incomplete lesson plan, not detailed content, insufficient worksheet, questions were way to easy and no rehearsal. my slides that going to present to the students were completed only like 20 minutes before the lesson started. ya, 20 minutes and i was still at home, in my pajamas which i suppose to be in school preparing and stuff. how awful. i managed to get quick bath, simply grab baju kurung from the piles of unwashed clothes and most terrible was that i didnt even have sufficient time to brush my teeth. ewww...i wonder did those boys realise the natural smell when i walked past them.

anyhow, thank goodness, no marks was given for this observation even though the teachers gave us compliments over the activities we carried out. at least we did not make ourselves look silly. well, i guess they did see potentials in us especially me. haha!

alright, last minute thing and those unprepared stuff are so not gonna happen when i begin to teach next week (is that so??). now, i kinda pity my students despite they made me shout every moments i entered the class. oh my god, bless me and my students. hopefully they wont flunk their monthly test next month and mid year examination. hopefully they dont go crazy too when i'm observed by my supervisor. or else i'll make them run around the field, sun them, clean my car and bla bla bla.... ah, fun!

hello 2010

this post is merely to welcome 2010. how 'mo liu', ya i know but its still something to cheer about cause its once a year event. hurray!!!!!

may be a little too late HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!



a new year but same old wish = world peace and harmony

when its crashed

i usually have lot of words running in my head, wishing to immediately transfer it to my blog but that moment the page is on and when my ten fingers touch the keyboard; ready to type, my mind eventually goes blank.

ever since xmas i could feel that i was in major disappointment and slightly unhappy. i tried to comfort myself. i tried to be as optimistic as i could be. i kept telling myself its not a big deal, i dont care, its just a small matter that people actually dont worry bout it at all. even i myself felt it was a small matter but i really never thought that the impact would be this huge. it was so severe that at one point, i knew and i could hear my heart was crying in disappointment.

say i'm silly, perhaps i am, to be upset over a small matter but to know that i maybe unable to achieve what i've been setting my focus, you can never imagine that feeling unless you experience it.... it is so painful.

peace

how effective is meditation????? i guess i really need it to find peace in ma mind and soul.


anyways, xmas is coming!!!! but i've already got myself this year's xmas presents...hahahahaha!!!!!! cool stuff and damn, i love them very much so much!!!!



ah, OMG, just realise that my HAIR REACH MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!! this is SUPERBLY LONG for me..... unbelievable. this length wont last for long cause i plan to go for a trim real soon.


there is this weird thing, when its year end rashes seem to attack me. i am like typing halfway, scratch here, type again, scratch there.... damn, its so itchy and i know i shouldnt be scratching or else it will turn red and tiny lumps will appear @ rashes.... dammit, i cant continue anymore, its really itchy. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

some crap to avoid reading

<sigh> like normal human, this is where i end up when i still have loads of chapters to complete... serve me right for taking my last paper for granted. now i'm stucked with 12+ chapters at 2356 before my 0900 paper the next day. will i be able to finish all the chapters by tonight????? i dont know but i will try my best to at least browse through every words. after all, its my LAST of the very last. so i will enjoy every seconds of every miserable sleepy moments i'm going through tonight. anyways, lets get bloody brain back to work....while countdown for MERDEKA!

ekspedisi memburu dan makan durian

pada petang yang serba baik cuacanya, 5 orang yang enggan belajar tiba-tiba memulakan ekspedisi memburu dan makan durian di sekitar kawasan berbantukan tiga buah motor. tanpa sebarang pengetahuan tentang harga pasaran dan kemahiran memilih, dengan sesuka hati mereka memilih mana-mana gerai.



gerai pertama yang dikunjungi nampaknya kurang bijaksana. penjualnya dengan muka licik menjual tanpa ikhlas, tidak jujur serta sempat mengeluarkan kata-kata sinis. sambil mereka makan, mereka pun layan sahajala kata-kata itu.



dah kata penjual tak jujur, mestilah durian yang dibelah kurang enak, harga pula rm10 untuk 3biji, tak berpatutan langsung dengan kualiti durian yang dimakan!!! keras, sikit, tak sedap!!! tak guna betul pakcik itu!!!! [dosa pakcik! terimalah di dunia akhirat nanti!] umpama membeli pengalaman sahajala di gerai itu.



selepas itu, dengan kurang rasa puas hati, ekspedisi memburu dan makan kembali beraksi. gerai kedua dijaga oleh dua orang budak india. si budak lelaki itu sibuk melayan tiga lelaki dewasa yang khusyuk makan durian dan si adik perempuannya itu entah tengah buat apa.



budak lelaki itu menyuruh mereka memilih durian yang dikehendaki dan harganya tak menentu mengikut saiz durian. dengan was-was dan seolah-olah mereka terdengar suara hati mereka lalu memutus untuk ke gerai seterusnya meninggalkan gerai budak india itu.



gerai ketiga ini adalah jagaan seorang pakcik, makcik dengan seorang anak lelakinya. seperti biasa, mereka buat-buat berunding harga dan kualiti durian pada awalnya. salah seorang daripada mereka sempat mengintai durian-durian yang terletak di dalam but kereta.



dalam but itu, ada durian yang isi lebih sedap dan busuk yang diasingkan dan selainnya disusun di atas lantai. mengikut pakcik itu durian yang isi sedap, apabila digoncang, ada bunyi, menandakan kualiti baik. apa lagi, durian kualiti baik sudah tentu perlu dimasukkan ke dalam perut mereka.



setelah berunding harga, pakcik muka jujur ini sememangnya baik kerana sanggup menurunkan harga dari rm20 untuk 8biji ke rm15. entahlah berpatutan atau tidak asalkan berjaya dikurangkan harga pun jadilah.



pada masa itu juga, mereka membeli dan makan, memberi sepenuh kepercayaan kepada kata-kata pakcik itu yang menyatakan durian itu sedap.



sememangnya pakcik muka jujur itu jujur kerana setiap biji yang dibelah itu amat sedap rasanya, cukup manis dan berlemak. mereka pun makan dengan lahapnya dan seulas demi seulas disumbat sehingga terasa kepuasan yang mengukir senyuman di muka masing-masing dan kekenyangan yang nak termuntah.



sehingga sekarang salah seorang daripada mereka masih dan asyik sendawa sambil menaip di sini. apa-apapun, ekspedisi memburu dan makan durian dikira berjaya dan berbaloi!!!!!

gambar yang sempat dan teringat nak ambil selepas makan...tak banyak pun, 8biji je....

beware

well, today, as usual i greeted this friend @ junior @ neighbour of mine when i saw her in her house. but the reason i went to the house not because of her. its because my friends @ her housemates @ not junior but same batch are staying there too. usually she's very talkative, jumping in joy, silly and will greet me even before me. however, today, she looked different, had been so quiet and even ignored me. curiously i investigated, thinking that it might caused by exam pressure but then i found out that its very common of her acting in such a way as she's a very sensitive person [OMG!] besides being silent and showing mourning face [you know those sour, sad face expression when someone dies], according to my resources, there was once she left the house because my friends aka her housemates were saying some stuff. just that i didn't knew bout it until like now (?) almost the end of the sem (?) what the.. *doosh... as my resources refreshed me, 'kamu tau tak..?', 'kamu tau tak masa tu...?', 'tau tak bila...?' and bla bla and most of the time i answered, ' saya tak tau!!!', 'ye ke???, 'betul??!!'. then only i only knew that throughout this sem, i actually said many many words that i would never expect she would considered them harsh. i even innocently commented on how slow she cooked which cooking happened to be a sensitive issue for her [very sensitive issue]. guess the level of harshness is still acceptable since she did not reveal the other side of her when i said those words. this is a lesson to be learnt which is never assume someone is kind even she does look kind. besides, kind people never claim they are not sensitive. to that friend of mine, the next time i see her, i'l filter my words, be less straight forward and maybe i should distant myself too for safety precautions. i had enough of making someone cried because of my words. ah, scary and dangerous...

exam begins

hah, today is the actual beginning of my exam cause only today i sat for my first paper while a number of my friends or most students in the same faculty sat for their last papers = finished their exams = indeed put a dot to the exams here.

therefore, its hard for them not to show off how 'the end' of their exams sufferings because after this they no longer face anymore examinations if they dont plan to continue their studies.

moreover, when they just knew my paper just started, wasn't that the most perfect time to tease me and express their stupid ugly happy arrogant faces?

but surprise surprise, i dont give a damn. at all.

now i patiencely waiting for the coming of the two papers. its my first time having paper on the last day of the exam. can't believe i manage to experience it on my last semester in the campus. and it sure feels good to end the last paper because it is not only the last paper taken in this sem but last paper of my whole degree on the last day of last exam of my last semester in campus.

un-stress myself

this may be a lil disgusting but it's about life it's about us it's about me...

so, what about?? ah, as i'm sitting facing my laptop browsing the words, papers on the table and pencil in my hand, the uneasy feelings arise. i start to do some stretching, trying to get the feelings away yet i'm getting more irritated. in other words, it is the sign of me being stressed.

then after, i figure out something [bright bulb appear above my head *ting*]. something somehow some way best to release tension... is... by farting. and the key is the longer and louder the fart, the better it works. oh, sometimes its fun too if the fart is short but keep on farting small one in a row.. serious! that moment that force of air released that moment youl feel lighten up that moment a smile automatically appear on the face... you know the satisfactory feelings, the *aaaaahhhhh... and the body seems to become softer and liquify, flowing... if you don't know then imagine..... imagine you're having stomachache. ah, damn, really aching but oh no, toilet elek [with the hand twisting, head shaking and funny face expression] so no choice but to hold very long.......very very long...you squeeze you tummy. cross your legs. bend your body...still holding on... then goosebumps. cold sweat on the face and dripping from the hair. and [s][h][i][v][e][r]...i tell you thats the most horrible condition ever BUT that moment you get to release... OMG *plip plip plup plup* tak payah la kot nak cerita kepuasan itu.... well, YEAH! thats the moment, thats the solution....

*i think i blog bout this before but doesnt matter since i've written it...

one sentence

well, that's it, no more lectures no more lab to attend in the university i've spent for 3years and 4months...

aih..

around one more month and that's when i'm wrapping up my stuff leaving nothing but memories.

certainly it's not the end but another new beginning to move on.

aah, still a long way to go.....

penderitaan

menderita aku...

bukan kerana makan nasi sejuk dengan telur,
bukan kerana tugasan yang bertimpal,
bukan kerana tesis yang tidak nampak penghujungnya,
bukan kerana esok exam malam ini baru nak baca,
bukan kerana tak dapat tidur,
bukan kerana tak dapat balik rumah,

tetapi

menderita lagi aku melihat orang yang disayangi dan dicintai menderita dan aku sekadar memandang dari jauh tidak mampu membuat apa-apa....

sedar tak sedar, penderitaan inilah penderitaan yang paling menyeksakan bagi aku.

i choose

if i am to suffer, please let me suffer all the pain at one time in one shot rather than being painful for a long period of time. time may be the best medicine but it can be killing at times.

foodpoisoning

falling sick is very common. maybe once a while like once in 2-3 months or for girls perhaps slightly once a month.

when people usually have those illnesses like fever, flu, cough and sore throat, i will more commonly attacked by bacteria which caused me food poisoning.

i dont know why but it seems that i get food poisoning more often than those sicknesses i mentioned. suka suka tornado will occurs in my stomach. everything will turn upside down and the chaos is clearly heard by human ears. then, digestive system will be malfunction and everything starts to go wrong and leads to stomachache, diarrhea and vomit. thank god, i'l be fine after throwing up.

i wonder if its me stuffing too much and macam-macam in my tummy. i'm worried when my tummy expands and harden. thats terrifying you know. and thats when i realise the good side of diarrhea and vomitting. very obvious, its stock clearing sign.