when its crashed

i usually have lot of words running in my head, wishing to immediately transfer it to my blog but that moment the page is on and when my ten fingers touch the keyboard; ready to type, my mind eventually goes blank.

ever since xmas i could feel that i was in major disappointment and slightly unhappy. i tried to comfort myself. i tried to be as optimistic as i could be. i kept telling myself its not a big deal, i dont care, its just a small matter that people actually dont worry bout it at all. even i myself felt it was a small matter but i really never thought that the impact would be this huge. it was so severe that at one point, i knew and i could hear my heart was crying in disappointment.

say i'm silly, perhaps i am, to be upset over a small matter but to know that i maybe unable to achieve what i've been setting my focus, you can never imagine that feeling unless you experience it.... it is so painful.